Richard G. Epstein

[left.htm]

TRANSCRIPT OF TELEVISED INFORMERCIAL

SUNDAY, MAY 14, 2028

---

KARMA KLEANSER

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen. Tonight I am going to tell you about a product that is so exciting, so revolutionary, that it is literally destined to change the world as we know it. This product is a virtual reality that has been purchased by millions of people world-wide. Tonight, we will hear from the spiritual genius who invented this product and we will also hear from a woman whose life has been changed by this unique virtual reality system. This product is called

[drum roll]

Karma Kleanser!

Now, ordinarily, when you buy a product, you want to know something about it. We wouldn't want you to buy Karma Kleanser without a clear understanding of what it does, and the profound theory that is behind it. Now, this is not some new-fangled theory that is untested. It's the theory of karma, which is thousands of years old, and which is the truthful description of why things happen, why specific things happen to you and me, or, if I may use the vernacular, why the stuff eventually hits the fan.

Here in our studio to explain Karma Kleanser is Rabbi Sajit Ashrami, a Jewish mystic and expert in the kabbalah, the ancient tradition of Jewish mysticism.

Welcome to our studios, Rabbi Ashrami.

Rabbi Ashrami: Shalom.

Announcer: Wow! When you said "shalom", I could feel the spiritual power behind it.

Rabbi Ashrami: Naturally.

Announcer: Could you tell us a little about yourself, rabbi?

Rabbi Ashrami: I was born in a remote mountain village in the Himalayas.   From the earliest age I had this deep spirituality, and I was searching for God, for the truth, so that's how I wound up becoming an orthodox Jew. Let's face it, Judaism and kabbalah is where the mystical action has been during the last ten years.

Announcer: And not just a Jew, a rabbi, no less. Where did you get your ordination?

Rabbi Ashrami: In a little storefront in Baltimore that you wouldn't know about.

Announcer: And the clothes that you are wearing?

Rabbi Ashrami: These are just the traditional orthodox Jewish clothes. These things here are called tzitzit. That means fringes, and these things hanging down in front of my ears are called payot, or side-curls.

Announcer: It seems like a long journey from the Himalayas to tzitzit and payot.

Rabbi Ashrami: Not really. You see, what we Hasidic Jews believe is not that different from what my teachers in the Himalayas believed. We just use different words. For example, when I was a youngster, my spiritual teachers in the Himalayas taught me about karma.  In Hasidic Judaism we have another term for it.   We call it midda-keneged-midda or measure for measure.

Announcer: You don't mince words, do you, rabbi?

Rabbi Ashrami: Not if I can avoid it.

Announcer: Karma is the very concept behind Karma Kleanser, the product that you developed.

Rabbi Ashrami: Not only did I develop it, it has made me filthy rich.

Announcer: Which is good karma!

Rabbi Ashrami: You better believe it!

Announcer: But not everyone knows about karma or measure for measure. Could you dive deep into the True Self and share that ancient wisdom with us?

Rabbi Ashrami: Yes, everything you do that is wrong is going to come back to haunt you measure for measure. If you perform even the slightest infraction against another, that same infraction, no matter how slight will eventually be done to you, perhaps in a slightly different way. Only in this way can your karma be cleansed.

Announcer: So, there is a subtle body, we don't want to get too technical here, but a body beyond space and time, that records all of our deeds, and each evil deed creates the seeds of the retribution that we will suffer because of that evil deed.

Rabbi Ashrami: If you're such a genius, why do you need me?

Announcer: But, rabbi, I learned about this by reading the Karma Kleanser User's Manual that you wrote.

Rabbi Ashrami: So, my little Buddhala, tell me, do you understand what it means to have your karma ripen?

Announcer: That's the process by which the karmic seeds that you have sown sprout their evil consequences. For example, it may be that I swindled someone out of a lot of money. Then, years later, someone else swindles me out of a lot of money, and I realize it's midda-kenegid-midda, measure for measure. It's my karma ripening.

Rabbi Ashrami: Can we be a little more specific?

Announcer: Well, for example, suppose I sell someone my car and tell them it's in perfect running order, but in fact it's a piece of crap. Then, years later, I buy a house, and I find out that the house I bought is also a piece of crap. I find myself stuck in this house that's falling apart and I realize that this is the result of the ripening of my karma.

Rabbi Ashrami: And it's that feeling, the feeling that it is payback time, that makes the ripening of one's karma so distinctive.

Announcer: Yes, there's a very unpleasant feeling associated with payback time.

Rabbi Ashrami: In esoteric Judaism we call that feeling guilt.

Announcer: You heard it right here, ladies and gentlemen. The words of a genuine enlightened master!

Rabbi Ashrami: And you're an outstanding announcer. See, that's measure for measure. You flatter me and I flatter you.

Announcer: Rabbi, tell our audience and the folks in our viewing audience, about your product, Karma Kleanser.

Rabbi Ashrami: You see, I made this incredible discovery when I was studying to be a rabbi, namely, that it doesn't really matter whether your payback comes in actual reality or in virtual reality. Thus, if you can get your karma to ripen in virtual reality, you can cleanse yourself of the karmic seeds that you have accumulated and you can avoid a REAL payback further down the pike.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you grasped the subtlety of this concept. Now, this is not just a theory, this is the truth about karma. Right now I'd like you to meet Mae Sunday of Fairfax, Virginia. She is one of millions of satisfied users of Karma Kleanser. Welcome!

Mae Sunday: It's a great honor meeting you, Rabbi Ashrami. Karma Kleanser has changed my life.

Rabbi Ashrami: How much?

Mae Sunday: $500.00 US.

Rabbi Ashrami: For just $500.00 US, plus shipping and handling, Karma Kleanser changed your life? Can you tell us about it?

Mae Sunday: I lost my job in Colorado Springs and I had to move to Virginia, for my new job, so I sold my house in Colorado Springs, but I knew there were lots of problems with the plumbing, and the roof, not to mention the neighbors, but I didn't put that down on the disclosure statement.

Announcer: We're talking about serious problems, that would make any prospective buyer really angry?

Mae Sunday: Do you call pipes bursting and toilets overflowing and wild parties right next door every weekend serious?

Announcer: That would do it.

Mae Sunday: Well, after I moved to Virginia, I felt really guilty about selling a house like that, actually there were lots of other problems, like loose floor boards, and other things the new owners would discover only gradually. Then, one day I was in cyberspace and I saw an ad for Karma Kleanser. I bought it and since then my life has been much better. I've made my peace with what I did to that unfortunate couple that bought my old house.

Announcer: How does Karma Kleanser work?

Mae Sunday: It's a virtual reality that requires Global Landscape compliant self-projection technology. The way that it works is that you tell the system what it is that you feel guilty about, what it is that you've done wrong, and then Karma Kleanser creates and administers an appropriate punishment in virtual reality. The punishments are very realistic.

Announcer: Based upon my own experience, I bet Karma Kleanser put you in a virtual house with bursting pipes, overflowing toilets and all of the rest.

Mae Sunday: Exactly. It was terrible.

Announcer: How long did you spend in this dilapidated virtual house?

Mae Sunday: Two weeks. Instead of taking a summer vacation down at Ocean City, which is what the selfish part of me wanted to do, I decided to cleanse my karma with Karma Kleanser, so I spent my vacation time in this virtual house, which served as an appropriate punishment for what I did to that poor newlywed couple that bought my old house in Colorado Springs.

Rabbi Ashrami: Of course, you took breaks for food and so on, but otherwise, you spent your entire vacation in this dilapidated virtual house, instead of enjoying a vacation at the beach?

Mae Sunday: Exactly. It was terrible, with pipes bursting, noisy neighbors, barking dogs, leaking roof, the whole bit. Measure for measure. My suffering was intense, and deservedly so.

Rabbi Ashrami: And how did you feel when you were done with your Karma Kleanser punishment?

Mae Sunday: Cleansed. I felt clean as a whistle, as if my sins had been washed away. Except for ...

Rabbi Ashrami: Except for what?

Mae Sunday: Except for the time I cheated on a chemistry exam in college.

Rabbi Ashrami: Well, then, you can use Karma Kleanser the next time you get a vacation and I'm sure Karma Kleanser will create an appropriate punishment for that cheating incident! Or maybe, you could use Karma Kleanser to punish yourself on weekends, when you have some free time.

Announcer: With Karma Kleanser, YOU control when your karma ripens, so there won't be any nasty surprises.

Mae Sunday: Rabbi, I don't know how to thank you.

Rabbi Ashrami: There's no need to cry.

Mae Sunday: Do you think I can use Karma Kleanser to make amends for that cheating incident back in college?

Rabbi Ashrami: Of course, my child. Reboot and sin no more!

Announcer: Rabbi, this women was cleansed of the bad karma that resulted from the sale of that house simply by using your Karma Kleanser virtual reality system.

Rabbi Ashrami: Yes, for just $500.00 plus shipping and handling.

Announcer: Or, you can download it directly from our virtual reality site on the Global Landscape.

Rabbi Ashrami: That way, you save shipping costs.

Announcer: Rabbi, millions of people have been cleansed of their karma using Karma Kleanser. How does that make you feel?

Rabbi Ashrami: Filthy rich!

Announcer: No, I mean it must make you feel good that you are ridding so many people of their evil karma. So many people have faith in you.

Rabbi Ashrami: Yes, that's the key - faith. They have faith in me and my product.

Announcer: Rabbi, in the Karma Kleanser User's Manual, which I consider a must read for anyone who is seriously interested in spirituality, you wrote that evil acts make people stupid.

Rabbi Ashrami: That's right. Our evil karma dulls our consciousness so that charlatans and cheats can take advantage of us. For example, if you cheat someone by selling them a dilapidated house, then your own consciousness will become cloudy, and that's what enables you to get cheated later on, when you wind up buying a car that's got a bad transmission, a leaking radiator and faulty brakes. How many times have you heard someone say, "How could I let this happen to me? How could I have been so stupid?" Well, that's what Karma Kleanser prevents. It cleans up your karma so that you won't feel so stupid any longer. After your karma has been cleansed, then when someone tries to sell you a car with a faulty transmission, you'll see right away, hey!, this car has a faulty transmission. That's why you need Karma Kleanser.

Announcer: So, Karma Kleanser is like buying insurance against getting ripped off.

Rabbi Ashrami: Exactly!

Announcer: And we're not talking big bucks here, just $500.00 US.

Rabbi Ashrami: Plus shipping and handling.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, I do not know a single person who does not have some small infraction, some minor sin, that's going to be paid back measure for measure. And just to prove my point, I am going to go into the audience, and I will ask people at random what they've done that will eventually bring karmic retribution.

Audience member #1: I cheated on my taxes.

Audience member #2: I cheated on my spouse.

Audience member #3: I stole money from my mom's purse when I was a kid.

Audience member #4: I snuck into an Orioles game at Camden Yards without a ticket.

Announcer: There you have it - four people, four acts of regret, four people who could ripen their karma the easy way, the Karma Kleanser way. On your screen you see our Global Landscape address and our teleview number. Contact us now, via cyberspace or via teleview, however you want, but contact us now, and order your own personal copy of

[drum roll]

Karma Kleanser for just $500.00 US.

Rabbi Ashrami: Plus shipping and handling.

Announcer: Rabbi, if there is someone watching out there who needs Karma Kleanser but just doesn't get the message, just can't bring themselves to see what a wonderful opportunity this is, what would you say about that?

Rabbi Ashrami: That by itself is the effect of their evil karma.

Announcer: There, you have it, ladies and gentlemen. If you cannot bring yourself to buy Karma Kleanser, that by itself is the effect of your evil karma. So, get up from that chair and contact us via cyberspace or via teleview.